My Husband Is My Brother in Christ First

"Finally, brothers, we instructed you how to live in order to please God...Now about brotherly love we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. And in fact, you do love all the brothers...Yet we urge you, brothers, to do so more and more."

1 Thessalonians 4:1, 9-10

One thing the Lord impressed upon my heart early in our marriage was to always remember that my husband was and is my brother in Christ first. Jim and I are God's children first. God then brought us together beautifully as husband and wife.

This true perspective of our relationships with God and each other brings an immediate reverence for God and for my husband. If I look at him only as "my husband", I can become entitled and self-righteous. Tapping my toe with hands on hips, I could begin to make selfish demands, spoken and unspoken. This is damaging. I genuinely love and respect my husband deeply, yet my sin nature can be destructive if my heart is not yielded to the Holy Spirit. I want to be the wise woman who builds her house, not the foolish one who tears it down with her own hands. "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." (Proverbs 14:1 NIV)

When my heart is postured according to God's alignment, I am humbled and thankful acknowledging that Jim is my precious brother in Christ first. Self-righteous entitlement falls away. I am more gracious, more merciful and readily able to speak the truth in love as Jim's wife, seeing him as God's son, my brother and my husband. I serve him with joy. My toes stop tapping and my hands go from being on my hips to hands outstretched to God.

When Jim is loving me as God's daughter, his sister in the Lord and his wife, his words are more gentle, he is able to compassionately point me to Jesus when I falter, and he more readily loves me as Christ loves the church.

Being brother and sister in Christ is a unique, beautiful and faithful foundation in a Christian marriage. As we desire to honor God with our marriages, let's remember that our spouse is our sibling in Christ first. As we care for our spouse and marriage as unto the Lord, He brings blessing, fruit and growth.

To read 1 Thessalonians 4 ("Living to Please God"), click here: Bible Gateway.

"You are all sons of God through faith in Jesus Christ, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ...for you are all one in Christ Jesus." Galatians 3:26, 28

Congratulations to DAWN, who is the winner of the Love and Respect Book from the November 6th post titled "Love and Respect".

Busy?

B.U.S.Y -- Being Under Satan's Yoke. That is the acronym that was posted on a church's sign board. In this time of multi-tasking that we live in, is it really a sin to be busy? Let's read some Bible verses and see what we can dig up.

"Too much activity gives you restless dreams; too many words make you a fool."Ecclesiastes 5:3 (NLT)

"For the fool speaks folly, his mind is busy with evil." Isaiah 32:6 (NIV)

"But Martha [overly occupied and too busy] was distracted with much serving; and she came up to Him and said, Lord, is it nothing to You that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me [to lend a hand and do her part along with me]!" Luke 10:40 (Amplified Bible)

"Too much," "busy with evil," and "too busy" all seem to yield poor results.

But what about these verses?

"Plant your seed in the morning and keep busy all afternoon, for you don’t know if profit will come from one activity or another—or maybe both." Ecclesiastes 11:6 (NLT)

"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God." Titus 2:3-5 (NIV)

These verses indicate being busy is good. However the individuals are to be busy doing their work, that is making a living and keeping their house. I think this last verse sums it up.

"We hear that some among you are idle. They are not busy; they are busybodies." 2 Thess 3:11 (NIV)

Being busy is good, if you are busy at the right things. Doing God's work, making a living for your family and keeping your home for your family. We are not called to be idle or lazy. However, we are also not called to be overly busy, which often results in neglected our family, and neglecting God. (Too busy to pray?) We aren't to be minding everyone else's business at the expense of our own.

As a mom, I feel very busy keeping up with housework and children's activities. But I know I am doing the work that God prepared in advance for me to do. Wisdom comes in knowing what to say "no" to, so that we don't become overly busy.

It is important to take on and complete the work that God prepared in advance for us to do*. Be discerning. Remember, just because it is a "good" thing to do, doesn't mean it is a "God" thing to do. Be busy working for God, but don't take on any side jobs from the devil.



*Ephesians 2:10 -- For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Feeding their Consciences

When my children were young I remember how simple it was to discipline them.  For example, if they were to take a piece of candy out of the candy dish even though I had told them not to, I would simply discipline them and tell them, "I told you no," as my explanation.

Now my children are older and this tactic no longer suffices.  You see, as they mature, they move from just being action controlled to needing their own moral reason why.  But I am a busy mom and taking the time to give that moral reason why can be challenging.  I tend to fall back into my old ways of parenting for convenience sake, unfortunately, it doesn't work well.

God has created each one of us with a conscience and a need for moral boundaries.  In order to be an effective parent, I need to take the time to research my scriptures, and pray, pray, pray for wisdom from the Lord as I discipline my older children.  God knows their hearts and He also knows the right way to teach each one of them.

One thing that stands true is God's Word.  If we feed this to our children regularly, then they will have the truth to fall back on when they are standing on the fence with a moral decision. 

Another tactic that works with my older ones, is to defer punishment to a later time.  This gives both of us ample time to ponder the situation, not to mention giving me time to cool off if I'm particularly angry about a wrong decision they've made.

Philippians 3:14  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

What is the goal for our parenting?  To raise up children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.  If we keep our focus on that goal, then the time it takes to be effective parents will be worth the effort.

Thinking "Right" about giving gifts this Christmas

I'm finding it hard to believe that Thanksgiving is right upon us already and with that being the case, Christmas is just around the corner! As I have struggled over the years with spending, the Christmas season always stresses me out! It has always been like being pulled in two different directions.

The worldly side of me wants to buy my children everything they want and make my house look like those fabulously decorated houses I see in magazines. The perfect Christmas in my "worldly" mind is one where I give all the "right" gifts, have all the "right" foods, all the "right" decorations and spent time with all the "right" people. This type of Christmas means lots of stress for sure, but if I pull it off well, I can be sure to impress all the people around me.

The more spiritual side of me longs for a Christmas with LESS stress and more time to spend doing the things that REALLY make Christmas special; baking cookies with my children, doing "Christmasy" things with the family like going on tacky light tours or seeing a Christmas production and buying gifts for families who can't afford them. Most importantly, the spiritual side of me wants to focus my mind on the true reason for the season-Jesus!

The balance has varied from year to year. 20-80, 40-60, 50-50...

However, I still find myself yearning to get over the halfway mark and plunge into a more spiritual Christmas season. Every year about this time, I try to get intentional about how to bring this about. Being intentional gets me closer to the goal. It all begins for me, by examining my thoughts---being brutally honest with myself---and seeing if those thoughts line up with God's.

In my prayer time today I was addressing this and God reminded me of when my children were little and they would make me a Christmas gift at school. The most special ones were the gifts that were like "little pieces of them." You know the ones I mean; the plaques with the handprint on them, the silhouettes of their little faces with the hair sticking up just the way it always did! The gift didn't have value because it had cost a lot of money. The gift had value because we loved the giver and we understood the heart that went into giving the gift. Our little ones had used the resources they had; their two little hands, some art supplies, the ingenuity of a teacher perhaps, to make something uniquely from them. The gift wasn't the perfectly wrapped one under the tree by any means! But, it was always fun to open it up and see what was inside. Mostly, it was fun to see their eyes light up in anticipation as you opened the gift and how they beamed all over when you told them how much you liked it. The gift was given with love and we received it with love.

It wasn't just about the gift in itself It was about the giver and their heart.

Compare that with a lot of the gifts that are given today. We buy things for people out of reciprocation, perhaps obligation. We go into debt buying things we can't afford so that people will think more highly of us. We order gifts online, have them sent and sometimes never even put our own hands on them at all. Often we don't even see the person when our gift is presented!

When we do this, obviously it is because we think it is all about the GIFT.

Think about it. If it was about the giver, we wouldn't really look so good compared to our little darlings described earlier, would we? There is nothing personal involved. When we give in such a way, do we give with the same heart as our little child? Do we give a little piece of ourself? Are we more excited about actually giving the gift, or crossing it off our "to-do" list?

God surely shows us what it is to give GOOD GIFTS. He certainly gave from His heart. He gave us the most valuable thing HE had-His son-a saviour to reconcile us to Him and allow us a way to be with Him forever. God's gift came with a great deal of thought. He prophesied about it to us for hundreds of years before He sent it! It came at great sacrifice. He gave us Himself!

It's not about the gift or what it looks like. Jesus didn't come to us in "impressive package." He was born in a manger. Sometimes the value of the gift has as much to do with how we receive, as how we give. That's why God tells us to "Prepare our hearts." This requires that we take the time to look beyond the obvious. That we look beyond the material.

This Christmas I'm going to try to focus less on the gifts I give and more about the heart I give them in. I will give from my heart so that I can experience the joy that true giving brings. It's all about relationship. How many times have I knocked myself out running around for the "perfect gifts" and then was totally grouchy by the time I actually gave them? I had made it about the gift.

The world says it's all about how much you give and what the gift looks like. God says it's all about the heart. If you don't give with a loving, joyous heart, your gift has no eternal value. Let's try to care more about what God thinks about our giving this season!

Let's try to give more of ourselves.

Precious Gems

When my seventeen year old daughter told me she was pregnant, one of the first things I said to her was "I am not raising your child." I told her it was her responsibility and that I would help her, but I wasn't going to be her built-in babysitter or allow her to push her responsibility off on me. I was sincerely trying to instill an acceptance of the responsibility and consequences for her actions. What I didn't realize was that I had adopted the self serving way of the culture.

Soon after my grand-daughter's birth, God began showing me that being a grandparent carried much more responsibility than this culture would have us believe. It's not just fun and games and give the kids back when the fun is over. Lets look at these key phrases: "I am not raising your child" and "I am not a built-in babysitter". These are what I refer to as culturally correct phrases, but what do they say about who I am living for and who I am living to serve? God did not put me here to live for myself, but to live for Him and to serve others.

Yes, parents do have the primary responsibility to raise up their kids. But grandparents have so much to contribute to the lives of their grandchildren. Even if it means taking on some added responsibility. In some cases that may be what is necessary to protect the child or it may be the only opportunity the child has to learn to know and love the Lord.

I'm not suggesting that grandparents take over the role of the parent, nor am I suggesting that we become enablers. What I'm saying is that we do have a responsibility to contribute to the teaching and training of our grandchildren, to the extent that God will allow it. Grandparents have a big impact on the lives of these precious gems and we need to use it for Kingdom purposes.

From the time my first grand-daughter was born eleven years ago, you could hardly get her out of my arms. I was always praying over her and singing "Jesus Loves Me" to her to comfort her. Now I have been blessed with three beautiful grand-daughters. Three precious gems that I intend to polish so that the light of Christ shines brightly from them. I have purposed in my heart that I will do all that I can to teach them to know and love the Lord with all their heart, mind and soul.

I hope you will join me every other Wednesday as I share some of the lessons my grand-daughters and I are learning together, as well as some lessons God has taught me over the years about the impact of our actions for generations to come.

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. Deuteronomy 4:9

FATHER FIGURE

Welcome to Titus 2 In Action - Father Figure

I am excited to be part of this new blog called Titus 2 In Action. Each writer in this group will be contributing to a specific issue that is important to the family.

All of us are from families! God in his great wisdom chose the family as the means to bring new life into the world and to nurture that new life to adulthood.

When followed faithfully, God's plan for family works wonderfully. But, being the fallen creatures that we are, we don't always follow God's plan for our own lives or that of our families. When that happens disruption can occur, with varying degrees of severity. Families can be stressed, behavior can be sinful, and the blessings that God intended to shower upon the family can be lost. Instead of the refreshment of blessing, families struggle through drought.

But, we need never despair! God's word spoken in even the driest, harshest climate can rejuvenate life and usher in those showers of blessings we thought we missed. It is God's purpose to restore every man, woman and child to himself, and with that, the family.

In Titus 2 In Action we want to share what we know about God's will and purpose for the family. My column in particular will be about fatherhood. I will share my insights into fatherhood based on my experiences with fathers, particularly my own dad and my own role as a father.

My kids are almost all grown now: one is 24, one 21 and the youngest is 17. But, I continue to read and study about parenthood because I am still a parent. How I exercise that role has changed, but I am still a dad and always will be. That is why I continue to study and try to learn. I hope some of that will be beneficial to the readers of this blog!

I hope you will become a regular follower of Titus 2 In Action. If you have any questions you would like to see me or any of us address, please feel free to communicate with us!

God bless,

Warren Baldwin