Ignite The Fire In Your Marriage - What Men Need

This is the fourth message in my "Ignite The Fire In Your Marriage" series. If you missed any messages in this series, follow this link.

This week we continue talking about what men need:

Sincere Love

Love is a need we value most in our marriages. But as Romans 12:9 tells us, love must be sincere. Everything we do for our spouses has to come from a sincere heart of unconditional love.

My husband can tell when I am doing something for him out of obligation instead of love. I can tell as well, because I don't feel fulfilled; I feel resentful. But when I meet his needs out of sincere heart of love, I enjoy him and desire to do more things for him.

"Dear Children, we must show love through actions that are sincere..."
1 John 3:18, GW

Love isn't based on feelings. True love is based on knowing God unconditionally loves us and He is able to supply our needs. God meeting our needs means that our satisfaction and expectations should be in Him alone, not in what our spouses do or don't do for us.

A woman struggling in her marriage said, "I need to work daily to release my husband from having to fulfill me where only God can."

When our spouses aren't meeting our needs, we can still find fulfillment in knowing God loves us and meets our needs (Phil. 4:9). This will help us love our spouses freely without demanding anything in return.

To Be Pursued

Another need men shared was affection and intimacy with their wives. One man in my survey expressed, "I need my wife to still pursue me."

My husband expresses his love for me by being affectionate. Many times his complaint is that I'm always running around taking care of the kids that I don't stop and show him affection. I notice when I purposely show him affection, it draws him closer to me.

We should pursue our husbands, and show them we are still crazy about them.

"The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
1 Corinthians 7:4-5

Understanding

"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." Proverbs 21:9

Another need men shared was for their wives to be more understanding, to not hold grudges, and not be quick to argue. Many arguments in marriages start simply because men and women perceive things differently.

I am still amazed how different my husband and I see things. We could be at the same place, at the same time, see the same thing happen, and yet see something completely different. Sometimes I'm dumbfounded to the point that I think one of us has to have lost our mind.

I can be positively sure I am right about something, and my husband's positively sure he's right. If we don't drop it, it causes an argument and turns into a big brawl.

"Don't have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels." 2 Timothy 2:23

Reverence For The Lord

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30

The greatest thing we can do for our spouses is live in reverence to Christ. Women often view the Proverbs 31 wife as impossible to measure up to. Some see the focus as having to accomplish everything and be a perfect wife.

The kind of wife Proverbs is talking about is a wife whose total dependence is on God. Her whole being, her mind, her heart, her actions are aimed in one direction, God's. As a result, she is able to do it all. Not by her strength and might, but by God's power and strength. The proverbs 31 wife's heart is undivided toward God. That is the reason her household is blessed.

When I asked women in my survey what plays a major role in the success of their families, a majority attributed their success to putting God at the center of their families. One woman wrote, "Without having God in my life, my marriage would not have lasted this long. Without having the forgiveness and loving spirit that God has given me, I don't know if we would still be married."

"A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:10-12

*This series will continue March 2nd with: "What Women Need"