Family Time

FAMILY TIME: QUALITY TIME = QUANTITY TIME

A college professor told us about the rigors of his routine as a Ph.D. student. He was in the library early in the morning, staying all day. After supper he either returned to the library or studied at home for hours. This routine continued for several years.

One of the students in our class asked him, "Did you have a family then?" "Yes," the professor replied. "How and when did you get to spend any time with them?" The professor smiled and said, "It’s not quantity time that counts, it’s quality time."

Quantity versus quality time is a tension for all families. There is a difference between the two. Quantity time refers to the minutes and hours we spend in each other’s presence. Quality time refers to the significance and importance of that time together.

Both quantity and quality of time is important. Quantity is important because it is the incubator of opportunity for meaningful conversation and events to occur. The eight hours working together boxing fund raising items in our garage prepared Cheryl and me to relax and reflect on what we appreciated about each other. The four hours of chasing a diapered kid around the house nurtured the moment when he or she threw their arms your neck and squealed, "I love you mommy, I love you daddy." The threads of quantity and quality intertwine. Unravel them, and you lose both quantity and quality.

I question if you can ever have much quality time without quantity. Quantity prepares and incubates the birth of the meaningful.

The holiday season is coming upon us, and beckons us to spend both quality and quantity time with our families. Let's not scrimp on either one!

Warren Baldwin

God's Given You The Best

God’s Given You the Best

“The man said, ‘This is not bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man.’ for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they became one flesh.” Genesis 2:23-24

After Jesus quoted this is Matthew 19:5 He went on to say in verse 6, “so they are not longer two, but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate.” I don’t know how we can take that any other way. God places a high value on marriage and so should we.

Trust that no matter how bad your marriage is, God can and will change you and your spouse if you will trust and allow Him to. Change your thoughts to what God can do. When our thoughts and actions are in agreement with God, nothing is impossible.

Malachi reveals God’s ultimate plan for our marriages. “Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.” Malachi 2:15

Satan works hard to try to destroy our marriages because he knows God’s plan for us is to raise up godly children. He knows the power in two hearts, surrendered to God’s will, and the positive impact their generations will have. God’s plan is to take us from where we are in our marriages and bring us together as one. Satan’s plan is to convince us we need to find someone better.

Some spouses think they need to find someone better because they married someone they were not warned not to. God warns us not to be unequally yoked before we get married, and He warns us in many other ways for our own good. He gives us these warnings because He knows ahead of time the heartache and problems we will face.

However, it doesn’t say anywhere in the Bible that we should get a divorce when we realize we made a mistake and married someone who wasn’t God’s first choice for us.

David in the Bible is a perfect example. He married Bathsheba after he committed adultery with her and had her husband killed. Do you think it was God’s will for David to have another man’s wife? Second Samuel 11:27 says, ‘David had her brought to his house, and she became his wife and bore him a son. But the thing David had done displeased the Lord.”

David acknowledged he did wrong and repented. God used their second son, Solomon, to be the direct line to Jesus. I believe God purposely did that to sow us that He sees light in every darkness.

God can bring light out of every wrong thing we have done. He can take any wrong and turn it around for our good if we turn to Him. ‘If I say, Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become dark around me, even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.” Psalm 139:11-12

God works with us in whatever situation we are in. He calls us right where we are. His commands are always His first choice for us. He gives us these commands because He sees what we can’t see, and He knows what’s best for us.”

From You Can Have a Happy Family (pp.58-62), by Amanda Beth. Used by Permission.

Note: Amanda’s book is an excellent treatise on marriage and family. It deals with practical issues in a biblical and common sense manner. You will enjoy it. Amanda has given me an extra copy to share with readers. Anyone who comments here will be entered into a drawing for a free copy of You Can Have a Happy Family. Amanda maintains a couple of blogs, Sharing the Truths Behind the Truth and Enjoying Your Family.

Home Dynamics

Home Dynamics

Businesses and churches often work with a game plan to achieve their goals and be successful. Game plans involve:

1) Identity

Sounds simple, but a clear understanding of one’s identity is critical. A business has to know if it makes shoes or bakes bread. A church has to know if it honors Christ or not. Identity leads to the next item in the game plan.

2) Purpose

Purpose is the fulfilment of one’s identity. If it is a show or bread company, they will produce those products.

3) Vision

Vision grows out of identity and purpose. Vision is the view for the future. Businesses ask how they can better produce their product, publicize their company, and market their product. Churches may envision reaching a particular neighborhood or segment of the population with the Gospel. Vision is where you see your self in one, five or ten years.

4) Function

Function simply means the company or church is now doing what it’s identity, purpose and vision leads them to. For a church, it would be preaching, teaching, leading others to Christ and maturing them in faith. For a business, it might be producing a product or shipping someone else’s product.

How does this apply to home dynamics? Businesses or churches can slip into daily routines and habits and never answer the larger questions of who are we? Why do we do what we do? What is our vision for the future? And what is the best way for us to do that?

Families can avoid those questions, too. Family life can become a series of routines: going to school, rushing to school and athletic functions, going to work, watching tv in the evening, going to church on Sunday. But where is the family heading to? What is the family becoming?

It is healthy for mom and dad to have some definite objectives for all their activity and function. A long drive to a ball game can become a meaningful event if the parents include some heart-felt discussion of an important spiritual or moral issue; church can become an opportunity for genuine spiritual revival and spiritual growth; school can become a conscious stepping-stone to advanced study or career preparation.

With definite identity, purpose, vision and function, families can become more than just harried robotans rushing, rushing, rushing, without any sense of cohesion or underlying purpose. They can become a unified whole moving toward something worthwhile, such as a closer-knit family, a place where Jesus is honored, and a community preparing for heaven.

Family can wander around in uncertainty and indirection, or it can march toward higher levels of relationship and function. The difference is often in the game plan we follow.

Warren Baldwin

It's a Family Thing

What is the purpose of dating?  Well, I believe it's a time to make memories, and a time to share together, and most importantly it's a time to strengthen relationships.  So, with that in mind, does it always have to be just the two of you?

On Sunday, August 22, my family celebrated a difficult milestone.  It marked the one year mark for my dad going home to be with the Lord.  While we didn't want to celebrate our loss, we did want to honor his memory and celebrate his salvation.

We started our day by going (as a family) to the cemetery to pay our respects and remember my dad. We ended up walking all through the place reading stones and talking about the ones that really struck us. We soon realized how blessed we truly were, as many of the head stones revealed a sad tale of loss of children and spouses at an early age.

Next, we gathered under a large shade tree to have a family time of prayer. I started, then one by one, my children prayed and my sweet husband ended our time in God's presence.

At this point, my husband surprised the kids by taking us out bowling! It turns out our favorite bowling ally was having 25 cent games and hot dogs night! We had so much fun! We bowled until our hands hurt, and of course, ate hot dogs for dinner.

If you and your family need a fun date idea, then use this day as a model for relationship building. Even if you don't have a loved one buried nearby, try strolling through a local cemetery, just to remember and pay homage to those who have gone to rest before us. Ending your time in prayer is actually a peaceful way to close out your time there. Next, find a local sport to play as a family.

My prayer for you is this: That God will teach you how to build relationships and to treasure every moment together.

Psalms 144:4 "Man is like a breath; his days are like a fleeting shadow."

BE PRESENT

BE PRESENT

On a church youth trip young Sandra broke out in a song. It wasn’t a spiritual or praise song. It was a song she was listening to on her headphones. With the headphones on and the music blaring, Sandra become totally detached from the other youth and adults in the vehicle and began singing and ‘grooving’ to the music she was listening to. After a few moments Sandra became aware of staring eyes and uproarious laughter. She took off the headset, looked around the vehicle in embarrassment and asked, "What?" Sandra was totally detached from her surroundings.

This is a frequent challenge for adults, perhaps for dads in particular. It is not uncommon for a dad to be on vacation with his family, but never participate meaningfully in the vacation activities. He may have his computer, cell phone and contact list in the RV or the motel room, conducting business during the entire vacation. Scenic tours, trips to the zoo and dinner at a special restaurant can all be interrupted by dad’s apologetic, "Excuse me kids, this will just be a minute." Then dad separates himself from the family to conduct business by cell phone.

I understand why dads do this, especially if he is under pressure from his job, is paid by commission, or is self-employed. In these cases every opportunity to establish a contact or close a deal can be critically important to dad’s business success, and thus his ability to provide for his family. Three things are working on a man that come to bear on his drive for business success.

One, most men are naturally competitive and it is hard for them to relax even though they theoretically left the office behind.

Two, men want to provide well for their families. Their self-esteem is on the line, especially when they know that kids compare what their parents (dads) have bought for them. This means his sense of success in business is critical to having a positive image of himself.

Three, some men have never had a real, personal relationship with their own dads, so they don’t know the importance of establishing a personal relationship with their own kids or don’t know how to. Many dads want to be close to their kids but can seem to make it happen.

If you are a dad reading this, realize that business and financial success is not the sole determinant of a successful or meaningful life. Healthy relationships with God, our family and others ultimately trump anything we achieve of an earthly nature. We need to prioritize our relationships and activities, and make sure we are giving proper attention to what (and who!) matters most.

If you are a wife reading this, and your husband tends to fall in the excessively competitive group to the extent that he takes his office on vacation, gently and patiently work to help him see how much his family needs him. Truth is, you probably won’t accomplish this alone. Try to get other men from church to establish a mentoring-type relationship with him. Have meals with other families where the husband/father is more oriented to his family. Try to get him involved in a class or small group at church where these issues are discussed. Suggest he read this article. There is a good chance your husband simply doesn’t understand the negative impact his business drivenness is having on the family.

The teenage girl in the church van singing her own tune to the disregard of others in the van is humorous; a husband/dad who does the same thing with his business is not so funny. But with patience and love there is always the chance he can disengage himself from his work and get in tune with his family.

Warren Baldwin