DAD'S TWO HANDS #1
"If you don't stop I'm going to tell your father when he gets home!"
That line brought my three siblings and me under control more quickly than anything else my mother could say or do to us when we misbehaved.
It's not that mom's discipline wasn't effective; many times it was. But when four kids, especially the three oldest brothers, got overly rambunctious and disorderly, it took a particularly strong hand to bring them under control.
Dad had that hand.
Years later I've wondered about my mother's practice of making dad the bad guy. I've had other dads tell me that they don't like it when their wives threaten the kids with dad's arrival home. "Wait until your dad gets home. He'll take care of you." And, I've also had the "pleasure" of being made the bad guy in my home a few times with my own kids.
I have my view about this which I will share in my next post. But, until then, how about sharing your views. Should dad be made the heavy hand in disciplining the kids?
Warren
Note: Cheryl and I are taking our teenage daughter, Kristin, to a heart specialist today for test for Mitral Valve Prolapse (MVP) and Premature Ventricular Contractions (PVC). We appreciate your prayers. Thanks, WB
8 comments:
Praying for your daughter. When I was 30 they found I had a whole in my heart and needed open heart. All my life it was there and because of it my valve leaked as well. They repaired it for the most part. It will have to be done again someday but for now it's good.
On Dads ~ my mom did the same thing and I hated it. I don't say that to my kids but it he happens to be home then I will go ask him if he isn't aware of what is going on to step in and handle it. One time when my son was little and he was in time out but was getting ready to get a spankin from his daddy he turned around with big tears in his eyes and said "Daddy I know this is going to hurt you more than it does me".....needless to say we all lost it and he didn't get in much trouble that day! LOL
My prayers include Kristin today.
The children are under the authority of their mother, who is under the authority of her husband, who is under the authority of Christ, who is under the authority of God. Though husband and wife are on an equal level of ground, as Christ and God are, there really is a chain of authority set up by the Master Planner. Why? I don't know. It's His plan. But it works perfectly when not abused and when His children love, trust and obey His Way. A study of this, has given me a pretty clear picture of it- recently.
My husband and I did not have it all together in this area, when our children were young, however and now- they are grown. Figures.
Praying for Kristin today. God is in control.
About dad's being made the bad guy. I think its a necessary thing once in a while. I mostly take care of issues myself, but like you said, sometimes I need the help of a higher authority figure. (My husband graciously takes on the role but isn't fond of it.)
I have already started praying for Kristin and will keep her in prayer.
Speaking as a single mom, I never had the benefit of turning matters over to "dad". I don't see it as making him a bad guy but as recognizing him as chief authority over the household (Under Christ).
I do think that a woman needs to word her statement to the kids in a way that recognizes his authority and not makes him sound like the bad guy though.
Just the sound of a man's stern voice carries more weight of authority than a woman's does and can bring obedience much faster.
Dad will also need to "be the bad guy" less often as he reinforces to the kids that he expects them to listen to mom.
I'm looking forward to your next post.
I think it is important that to properly train young children, we need to respond to inappropriate behavior immediately. That means the parent present deals with the behavior.
If a penalty is going to be given out in the case of older children, such as "grounding," I think it's OK for the child to be restricted from regular activity and told that Mom and Dad will discuss the matter and let the child know what the full consequence will be.
I believe in Dad being the authority figure of the household, but when one is not present, the next in line assumes the role...Mom.
Mom's who "wait for Dad's to come home" to administer discipline lose integrity as a parent and can learn to take advantage of that situation.
Will be praying for you all!
I will pray for your daughter today - I promise!
I grew up in fear of my dad - my mom would say wait till your dad comes home....
I believe the father/dad is the head of the home as he should be but it is the parent's job to train their children up right - not necessarily with fear but by training what is right and what is wrong. In addition - a punishment when warranted must be done immediately without delay - example - my daughter was caught in a website she is not allowed - her computer was taken away that moment...
I believe it is the duty of both parents to discipline when needed. But the father/dad has the final say.
Love to you
Kelly
Praying for your daughter.
I have one highly obedient child,and one strong willed. The strong willed child often requires a dad's "reinforcement" of mom's discipline. Mom's must be able to discipline their kids if they are home all day with them, but at the same time, kids need to realize that mom & dad are a team, and I think that dad's reinforcement of the situation when he comes home confirms the teamwork aspect.
Great post Warren. Looking forward to your continued thoughts on this one.
Thank you all for commenting. I can't believe how I have let time get away and haven't responded to you! Good comments here. I will post part 2 for next Monday.
Thank you for your prayers for Kristin. We are in Wichita, KS tonight (March 11) for a doctor's appt tomorrow morning. Another heart specialist thinks Kristin may not have mvp, but vasovagal syncope instead. I wrote something about that on Family Fountain today.
Thank you again for your prayers on her behalf. God bless you all! wb
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