Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday

“Happy Birthday, Dad. I hope you’re having a good day so far.”

Thanks, Jenny.

“Want to go out with mom and me for lunch for your birthday, Dad?”

Sure, Kristin!

“What book do you want for your birthday? Something by John Ortberg, or a book about Tim Tebow?”

Either one, Wes.

These are all calls I’ve had from my three kids in honor of my birthday. It’s a good feeling.

Family rituals are important for establishing cherished traditions and allowing the children to be fully integrated into the family’s life. Each nuclear family needs those rituals, and it is healthy for the extended family to share them, as well (such as enjoying holiday meals together, occasional reunions, etc.).

For years Cheryl and I made a big ritual out of our kids’ birthdays. Now it is coming back to bless us.

Thanks, kids.

Warren Baldwin

This Son of Mine

THIS SON OF MINE

"How’s life," I asked my friend, a college sophomore.

"It’s ok I guess. Kind of tough at times. It’s scary out there."

I appreciated his honesty. Only a couple of years before he had been a standout high school athlete, a class favorite, a popular personality. Life was very different for him now, though. In only two years of college he changed majors and universities. He also left the spiritual orientation of his parents and entered the college party scene.

What happened? He told me. He was scared. He was out of his local element. Though his parents’ standards and rules were a bit confining, they did provide structure and orientation for him. Away from home and his parents’ influence, the structure and guidance receded, leaving him standing on his own. He simply wasn’t ready for that level of responsibility.

I’ve known this boy for years and I think that as he matures he will grow out of the dislocation and aloneness he is feeling now, and will assume the morals and spiritual outlook of his parents. I hope he will. I base my belief on another story of a boy a lot like him.

A young man born into a wealthy family grew dissatisfied with his home situation. He told his dad, "I don’t want to wait for you to die. I want my inheritance now."

We can only imagine the pain that must have gripped this father’s heart as he looked deep into the eyes of his son and saw the discontent, the yearning for excitement, the lostness. The dad knew what was going to happen, but he couldn’t stop it. If he spoke he probably said something like, "Good bye son. Remember."

But the boy didn’t remember. In fact, the boy forgot at least three things. One, he forgot who he was. He was the son of a good man who cared for his family and provided for their needs. From what we know, he wasn’t abandoned or abused. He was honored as a son. He had identity.

Two, he forgot where he was from. He was from a family that was successful and prominent in the community. As a hardworking man the dad was respected, and this respect would be passed on to the sons. This boy had a foundation.

Three, he forgot where he was going. Because the son was born into a family that provided him with an identity and a foundation, he also had a future. He would help with the family estate. Even though the older son would receive much of the inheritance, the younger son would still be gifted with a portion of the dad’s holdings, a respected place in the community, and the opportunity to provide well for his own family. Ah, what a future lay ahead of him!

But the son forgot it all: who he was, where he was from, and where he was going. Because he forgot these important aspects of his life, he wandered from home into a world that is tough and scary. The pursuit of pleasure dulled any pain of conscience, but soon this pursuit gave way to the humiliation of poverty and want. Loneliness, hunger and guilt gnawed at him until they chewed right through his pride. Then he remembered.

He remembered who he was, where he was from, and where he was supposed to be going. Then he went home. There he was greeted by his father who cried, "This son of mine is home!" as he ordered the celebration to begin (Luke 15:11-24).

I pray my friend will find his way home, too. I think he has just forgotten his identity, his foundation and his future. He is searching for them futilely right now, looking for meaning in all the wrong places. But when the loneliness and spiritual hunger gnaws at him long enough, he will lift his head in awareness and say, "I will set out and go back to my father."

That is my prayer for my friend, and for all the young people in that terribly difficult period of transition. I pray that they will remember, and come home.

Warren Baldwin

Happy Independence Day! Thanks to all those who have served.

In Honor of the Dads...

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;" Psalm 103:13



I was sixteen or seventeen. Funny, there are some details I can't recall of an evening I vowed I would NEVER, EVER forget. Regardless of my age, it was the events of this timeframe in my life that have stuck with me all these years. The love of my life (as high school romance goes) had broken my heart. His eye was caught by a tall, leggy blond up the street and somehow my petite, raven haired self no longer made his heart go pitter patter. My parents comforted me, turning on every light in the house that late fall night.

Sad and lonely, I would spend my normal date nights at home. My dad and I fell into a routine of watching movies after dinnertime, while my friends continued their date night rituals with their boyfriends. One such night, we rented the movie Ice Castles. A classic, in my opinion, we cried through pretty much the whole movie. Yes, WE cried. My dad, an engineer by trade is a gentle, loving man, who learned very young that his soft spots are very soft, and he has always yielded to the way God has afforded him the beauty of deep emotion. At one point my dad even shared his heartfelt desire to be a pastor...though this never came to fruition, my dad has served in multiple capacities in the church and has always honored my mother and his family in congruence to the scripture. He is a Godly man and I believe this has made an enormous impact in the life of his daughter.

A few weeks later, I sang and played an instrument for the high school Christmas concert. After we played, we were relegated to the audience while other groups had their time on stage. I had seen no program and had not viewed the other groups performances until that evening. The select choir took the stage and I heard the familiar chords of the theme from Ice Castles. I panicked. I knew I would cry the ugly cry if I stayed, so my only option was to exit the auditorium until it was over. I stealthily executed a perfect departure, and somehow even managed to keep my long taffeta skirt quiet as I slipped out the door. As the door slammed shut behind me, I turned to find my dad there just behind the door, his eyes wet with emotion and he admitted he'd never have made it through "that song" and with a wink, he embraced me as only a father can.

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4

I have told and re-told this story. I was blessed to have a dad who was there, always there. He travelled weekly for work and yet, I never recall a time he wasn't there. Like my Heavenly Father, my earthly father has always been available. So, I pause and think about the God I love and the man, created in His image who so many times embodied the love that Christ taught him first. I am so thankful my dad has always been an integral participant in my life and not a casual observer.

Like this, the Lord meets us behind the door, in our seat, walking along...everywhere. He delights when we wake in the morning eager for His Word and His gentle embrace. He hears the chords of a familiar song and rushes to us, waiting to lavish us in His love and comfort us, if necessary. Even if our earthly fathers are not able, for whatever reason, to provide love and blessing; our Heavenly Father is! He willingly and openly provides us with our every need. This Father's Day, I celebrate my own dad; a great man. And I celebrate a merciful Father, ready for our undivided attention and willing to give us His undivided attention.

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!" 1 John 3:1

Inspiring Confidence

Inspiring Confidence

A careless encounter with barbed wire had my friend, Jeff, in the emergency room. "I’m afraid this is going to take some stitches," the doctor said. To the pain and blood could now be added fear.

When the doctor approached him with a needle to numb the pain in the wounded area, Jeff cried out. "Dad!"

"I’m right here, son. I won’t leave you." Throughout the ordeal on the table my friend’s dad was right there with him, holding his hand, speaking comfortingly, and giving the 11-year old some peace of mind.

Years later Jeff still tells this story of how his dad inspired confidence in him. "That’s what a dad does," Jeff adds.

Fathers inspire confidence at key junctures in their kids’ lives. In a hospital. Attacking their studies. Persevering in sports. Facing defeat. Trying again. Earning a living. Being a gentleman. Being a lady. Being a Christian. Functioning as man/woman, a husband/wife, a father/mother.

"I’m right here, son."

The lessons a father teaches his sons and daughters live long after the moment. They reside in their hearts all the days of their lives.

Warren Baldwin

Our Influence

Our Influence

The greatest testament to our influence is to hear our children say, "I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God."

We want our children to do well in school, to hit the ball squarely, to drive it through the uprights, to 2-putt, and to be paid substantially in their part time job. That makes us proud! We have groomed and trained them to perform admirably in areas that are important to us.

But those pursuits are short lived, lasting no more than a lifetime.

The confession of Christ, however, lasts forever.

I've seen numerous dads baptize their children. Then, still standing in the water together, the dad would give their child a big hug. The father's influence has taken on eternal dimensions.

Photo compliments Karli Bonnie Photography.

Our ultimate job is to so live that we encourage the sanctifying of our wives (Eph. 5) and we lead our children to the savior.

By our speech, life and love, we not only let the little children go to Jesus, we lead them to him.
God's blessings upon the dads who consciously bear their children to the savior.

Warren

Tall and Strong

Tall and Strong

"He is a like a tree planted by streams of water ..." Psalm 1:3




A man who seeks to be the best husband and father he can be first gives attention to the kind of man he is. Only when his life is in order as an individual before God can his life be in order as a husband or father.


Psalm 1 gives several clues to getting our lives in order to be spiritual men and positive leaders in our home.


One, we avoid company with those who do evil (v.1) No, this isn't license to be critical or judgmental of everyone else. But, it is a warning that we pay attention to our relationships. Bad companions do corrupt good morals.


Two, we devote time to the Word of God (v.2). We even delight in it, finding sustenance and meaning for our lives. No better resource can be found to direct our steps in how to function as a husband and father.


Three, we live in the Word and Worship so faithfully over a long period of time that our roots run deep (v.3). This means that we continue to draw from the Word for our ethics and values. Over time, our hearts and minds are shapped by what we read and who we worship.


We can never hope to be flawless. But as we seek the heart of God we can grow into his likeness. And that will be a great blessing to our families.


Warren Baldwin

(Note: photo is from Karli Bonnie Photography. Used by permission).

My Son

MY SON

I just spent a week at a Bible camp with a young father, mother and their 18 month old son. Through the course of the week I never heard the dad use his son’s name. When addressing his boy or talking about him he always said, "My son."

The mom and son stayed in a camper while the dad stayed in a cabin with a bunch of teenage boys. So, the first thing every morning he came into the dining hall, walked to the spot where his family sat, and asked, "Where is my son?"

When his wife brought his boy into the room he would say, "There is my son!"

When a newcomer to camp would ask him who the little boy was he would answer, "My son."

What spirit do you think this dad demonstrated toward his son and was felt by everyone around? Pride (the healthy kind), joy, gratitude. His delight in his son was inescapable. His face lit up when he saw the boy and he proudly said, "My son."

I spent a week with this dad and never once heard him say the boy’s name. It was always, "My son."

Fifteen years from now when, as a teenager, this boy is faced with the trials and temptations typical of that age, he will have a resource to help him through those tough years: a dad who loves and takes pride in his children. That awareness will sustain the boy and may even lead him to approach his father and say, "Dad, we need to talk."

The foundation for such a relationship is being formed now in the dad’s unabashed joy in his son.

What else can we do with our small children to form the bonds of meaningful relationship with them?

Warren Baldwin

A Dad Jesus Honored

Three noteworthy things to say about the dad in John 4:43-53:

1) He intervened in a painful, troubled situation.

Many times we dads hold back. We don’t know what to do. We don’t act with strength because we don’t know how to act. John Rosemond - Someone in the family is going to have strength. It batter be the parents. If not, it will be the kids, and they are not ready to lead. Even if we don’t know what to do, we still must move. If nothing else, seek out help from someone else. This man did. That is point #2.

2) He initiated contact with Jesus. He didn’t leave it to someone else.

He didn’t just hope Jesus would come to him. He made a journey to meet Jesus. He extended himself. Dad’s we can’t be afraid of doing that today. Our journey is not walking miles, it is moving from pride to humility, or from insecurity to conviction. We must initiate.

3) He invited Jesus into the life of his family.

Even if it was only in a limited sense at this point. He made the right moves. And Jesus honored that.

Dads, this story is about Jesus. But it uses a father to help move this story along. A father who invested himself into the life of his family. A father who involved himself in the struggles of his child. And Jesus honored this father.

And I think he still honors the lives and work of fathers today who intervene for the good of their families, who take the initiative to work for their good, and who invites him into their home.

Warren Baldwin

In Case I'm Not There ...

IN CASE I’M NOT THERE ...

Moving from Florida to Wyoming was a big decision for us. Cheryl and I were 30 and we had two small children. We experienced a wide range of emotions ranging from excitement at a new home to deep grief at leaving the home and people we loved. But we felt a call from God and followed through on the move.

My children were too young to understand our reasons or motives for moving, but I wanted them to understand. I knew that someday it would be beneficial for them to know so they would have some content to draw from for their major transitions in life. So, I started to journal about our move.

It dawned on me that if I was not around at some major change in their life, reading this journal might be beneficial to them. So I expanded on it and wrote about other things that were important to me - my reasons for being a Christian, faithfulness in marriage, debt and money management, telling the truth, etc.

I prayed that God would allow me to live until my youngest child was 18 (and she is now 17!!!). I figured if he would give my wife and me 18 years with each child we would be able to instill a basic value structure within them. But, if I was not blessed with that much time, I would have the journal to do some of the teaching I didn’t get to do in person.

I kept the journal up for a few years. For some reason I eventually put it aside, but I still have everything I wrote, and will someday make it available to the kids. But, I did continue to write in other formats so my kids would have a record of my thoughts, values and reasons for doing certain things. That was actually part of the motivation for the book, "Roaring Lions, Cracking Rocks, and other Gems from Proverbs."

Dads, you have a set of values and convictions that guide you everyday. Are you passing them on to your children? Yes, you are, by the decisions you make and actions you take. Everyday. Your faithfulness to your wife, your work to support your family, leading your family in worship, paying your bills, and a host of other important daily tasks are making important impressions upon your children. Everyday.

But consider taking one more step to ensure the complete transmission of your ethical system to your children: write. You don’t have to be an accomplished writer. You don’t need a mastery of English. You just need to have a burning desire to use every available means of passing on your faith and values to your children. I think you’ll find the experience not only enjoyable, but quite rewarding. And don’t be surprised if your efforts result in a book!

Warren Baldwin

Do Not Exasperate Your Children

DO NOT EXASPERATE YOUR CHILDREN

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Eph. 6:4

My father generally had clear cut instructions for what he expected of his four children. We had to do our chores, respect our mother, obey the first time we were told to do something, and not fight with each other. Even though these rules were understood by all of us, we still got in a fair amount of trouble for violating them, at least the three boys, anyway.

Since our chores were often related to construction or farm work, it required dad to give us some instruction and training in how to do our job, whether it was milking cows or nailing siding. The procedure was generally to tell us what the task was, to show us how to do it, and then to watch us as we performed it. Praise or constructive criticism followed the completion of the task.

Respecting mom meant we had to listen to her when she spoke, do what she said, and not talk back. Talking back incurred the angry side of dad.

Obeying the first time we were told to do something was expected ever since we were very little. Dad permitted very few exceptions to this rule. When he said "hop," we did.

Not fighting with each other is probably the rule we broke the most, especially the three boys. We were smart enough to generally do our fighting when mom or dad was not around, but occasionally our displeasure with each other would get the best of us and we couldn't wait for a more opportune time. Yes, on those occasions we would get caught, and discipline followed.

I can think of only a few times when I got in trouble that I was surprised. Usually when corrective discipline was administered I knew I had it coming. I can remember a few times being greatly relieved that dad overlooked some misbehavior, forgot, or had a streak of mercy. Yes, at those times I knew I should have gotten in trouble but was blessed to escape it.

Some might think the parenting style I just described was too strict. At times it may have been, but as a rule I don't think it was. Within these parameters my siblings and I had tremendous room to act and play. We had our own farm plus thousands of acres of public land bordering our farm to hunt, fish, and roam. We played ball. We devised all kinds of creative games. Our childhood was a blast in many ways.

Within this parenting scheme is the fulfillment of Eph. 6:4. My parents communicated to us the level of behavior they expected. That is teaching or instruction. Secondly, they trained us. After verbally instructing us, they provided hands-on demonstration of what they expected. Sometimes this included an object lesson, such as pointing out the misbehavior of another child and saying we'd better never do that. At other times it included mom or dad physically showing us how to perform a task. Dad would frequently end such sessions by asking, "Do you understand? Ok, show me how to do it now."

I don't think our kids get exasperated because we give them too many chores. If anything, I question if many children today get enough responsibility given to them. (Growing in responsibility is something that helps us mature). What I think exasperates children is when we have high expectations for them without teaching and training them to perform at the level we expect. If we express disappointment in them and punish them without first making clear what our expectations are, and equipping them to live up to them, we fill our kids with a sense of confusion and futility.

We can get frustrated on our jobs if we don't have a sense of what our boss or company expects of us. It seems very unfair then for us to be reprimanded when we don't perform at peak level since we don't even know what we are supposed to be doing! It's no different for children. Giving them clearly articulated expectations for their lives, then teaching and training them to live up to those expectations, equips them to behave well and feel good about their lives.

Our ultimate goal as fathers and mothers is to bring our children up in the Lord. Our training, instruction and expectation of obedience prepares them for the transition from obeying our voice to obey the voice of their Heavenly Father. God bless all of you involved in such important work!

Warren Baldwin

DAD'S TWO HANDS #2

DAD’S TWO HANDS #2

Thank you for the comments on the post, Dad’s Two Hand’s #1. They were interesting. In case you haven’t read the post, I posed the question of whether dad should be made the bad guy in disciplining the children. Moms will occasionally tell their misbehaving children, "If you don’t knock it off I’m going to tell your dad when he gets home." My mom did it; my wife did it some. Is this fair?

I think so.

Parenting is ideally a two-person job, mom and dad. Each has strengths they bring to the task. Generally (not always, but most often), dad is the sterner of the two. When the children get overly rambunctious, or downright disobedient and rebellious, the tougher presence of dad may be better suited to stem the tide of their misbehavior. So, yes, I think it is ok for mom to tell the children, "I’m reporting this to your dad."

However, I think this parenting move can be pulled off in a manner that leaves mom in the driver’s seat, and enhances the children’s perception of her authority in the home.

Instead of just saying, "I’m going to tell your father when he gets home," mom can say, "Ok, you have disobeyed. For that you are going to be punished (then announce the punishment you think appropriate). And you are going to tell your father when he gets home."

This accomplishes three things.
One, mom maintains her role as an authority figure in her own right.

Two, the children will have to respect and honor mom’s authority role.

Three, dad still gets to be something of the "bad guy" in more of a supportive role. When dad hears about the misbehavior of the children, either from mom or the children, he reinforces mom’s decision and position by affirming the punishment she administered, or even adding to it some. So he supports mom and communicates to the children that mom’s voice rules. Mom and dad have cemented their position.

By the way, have you wondered where I got the title to these two posts, "Daddy’s Two Hands?" From Holly Dunn’s song:

Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryiń
Daddy's hands, were hard as steel when I'd done wrong.
Daddy's hands, weren't always gentle
But I've come to understand.
There was always love in Daddy's hands.

If done appropriately, kids can see that their dad has two hands, one hard and one gentle, and that is ok.

Warren Baldwin

DAD'S TWO HANDS #1

DAD'S TWO HANDS #1

"If you don't stop I'm going to tell your father when he gets home!"

That line brought my three siblings and me under control more quickly than anything else my mother could say or do to us when we misbehaved.

It's not that mom's discipline wasn't effective; many times it was. But when four kids, especially the three oldest brothers, got overly rambunctious and disorderly, it took a particularly strong hand to bring them under control.

Dad had that hand.

Years later I've wondered about my mother's practice of making dad the bad guy. I've had other dads tell me that they don't like it when their wives threaten the kids with dad's arrival home. "Wait until your dad gets home. He'll take care of you." And, I've also had the "pleasure" of being made the bad guy in my home a few times with my own kids.

I have my view about this which I will share in my next post. But, until then, how about sharing your views. Should dad be made the heavy hand in disciplining the kids?

Warren

Note: Cheryl and I are taking our teenage daughter, Kristin, to a heart specialist today for test for Mitral Valve Prolapse (MVP) and Premature Ventricular Contractions (PVC). We appreciate your prayers. Thanks, WB

Surprised and Honored

SURPRISED AND HONORED

My dad was surprised this weekend when his four kids from four different states gave him an unexpected 75th birthday party. We rented the Hardeman House on the campus of Freed-Hardeman University where dad used to work (this was the home of the founder and former president of the university and is rented out for occasions like this). We gathered with our families and a few close friends. One brother from Montana arrived a day earlier and let dad know he was in the area "on business" (sometimes he really is). This brother then lured him to the house where were assembled.

Since dad lives in Tennessee and his kids live in Alabama, Texas, Kansas and Montana, we don’t all get together as often as we like. Sadly, like many families today who are scattered to distant places, weddings and funerals are the primary catalysts for extended family gatherings. But, other occasions can serve this purpose as well, including birthdays.

Last summer I was surprised by my wife and church family for my 50th birthday. The surprise certainly added to the joy of the occasion, but the real joy was the sense of care I felt from everyone present.

This column is about being a father. But for this post I’d like to make it about honoring a father.

I am a father, so I can tell you some of the good and bad of dads. We can be caring, sensitive and attentive. We can also be self-absorbed, overly competitive and obtuse. Generally, we want the best for our families. We want our wives and kids to feel valued, even if we don’t always know how to function and communicate in a manner that helps them feel that way. We can sometimes feel overwhelmed by our roles as husband and father, so we withdraw. We may become silent or even critical. Frequently we rely upon humor to mask our insecurity. We try to make a joke out of any and everything, even if what we are joking about isn’t funny to anyone else (except another dad :).

Bottom line, even dads need to feel valued and honored. The sense of worth they feel when they are honored helps them feel secure in their position in the family, which encourages healthier functioning on their part. Warts and all, a dad giving any effort at all to being a decent husband and father needs that occasional day when he feels recognized for the good he has tried to do.

I received that last August 1. My dad received it this past Saturday. I hope the husband/father in your life gets a special day to revel in his role as the special guy in his family’s life.

Warren Baldwin