Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Safe Boundaries

My children know the boundaries in our backyard. We live on a lake. Our lawn goes down to wetland vegetation. The vegetation is low so that we can still see the lake and enjoy the view, however you cannot get thought the vegetation to the lake. It's too thick.

To get to the lake, you have to take the path. My children know they are allowed to go to the edge of the grass, but they may not go down the path to the lake without an adult. These "safe boundaries" keep them from the chance of drowning.

What about in our daily lives? Are we living within safe boundaries to protect us? Safe boundaries can not only protect our children, but us as adults too.

When my friend Sonya & I worked together years ago, there was a single fellow who asked her out to lunch. He was new to the company, and because he didn't know anyone, she agreed to go. At the same time, because she was a married woman and didn't want either the appearance of impropriety, nor the lack of a safe boundary, so she invited me along. Having me along provided a safe boundary. It even provided a "hedge" of protection against evil, much like the wild vegetation does around our lake.

What safe boundaries, hedges of protection, are you providing in your marriage? Do you avoid former romantic interests on facebook? Do you avoid speaking poorly about your spouse publicly? (or even privately!) Do you pray for your spouse and your marriage?

Check your words. I have an outgoing personality and enjoy chatting and bantering. Could my demeanor be misconstrued as flirting by the opposite sex? Could yours? We must watch our words and demeanor to provide safe boundaries.

Listen to your gut. If you feel uncomfortable because of someone's words, demeanor or emails, it could be the Holy Spirit warning you. Share these warnings with your spouse, so that they can help be a physical hedge of protection to you.

If my children cross the safe boundaries I've set out for them, it could cause them pain or even death by drowning. Likewise, crossing safe boundaries in marriage could cause your family great pain, or even the death of a marriage.

Ecclesiastes 10:8 KJV states whoever breaks through a hedge shall be bitten by a serpent. Of course we know that a serpent (the devil ) tempted Eve in the garden of Eden and is in fact the a symbol of temptation. Don't break through your safe boundaries. Keep the hedge, the wall, of protection around you and your marriage.

Ecclesiastes 10:8 -- He who digs a pit will fall into it, And whoever breaks through a wall will be bitten by a serpent. (NKJV)



Sharon Sloan - Joy In The Truth said...

Love your thoughts here, Kelly! Awesome.

I love the narrow road that leads to life!! It is one of my daily prayers for me, hubby and cherubs...and all those we love...that we stay on His narrow road.

I am thankful His Spirit warns us with those nudges in our heart. May we respect the hedge He faithfully puts around us.

Great post!!! :)


T. Anne said...

yes, great post. A marriage needs boundaries but those in the marriage also need to be aware of what they look like when speaking or going out with people of the opposite gender. I'm very careful not to even look at men I pass in the market in the eyes. It avoids a lot of unwanted flirting (on their end lol). I also decided a long time ago I don't need to be nice to strange men either.



This is such a necessary post. Wow! The enemy really takes advantage when the hedge is open and the boundaries easily crossed. So many women these days are not taught about those types of boundaries with other men in particular. The flirting or suggestive - often 'fun' - talk with another man can seem 'harmless' for the most part - but indeed it needs to be cut off at the 'pass'....Making a commitment before God to make 'right choices' like that comes first [before the situation arises].

Another example from one of my own family members - a man - who was a teacher at Sunday School and often did things with some of the 'group' on the weekends when sometimes his wife had to work. He was always careful NEVER to ride alone in a car with one of the females [someone else's wife] even though they were all best friends. He remarked to me that he wanted to avoid any "appearance of evil"
that could be misconstrued. And... isn't it where things like that can start ~ on a simple ride home?

I encourage all of you younger women out there who write and speak to groups of women - to begin to TEACH this subject to them - showing these women how important it is to NOT speak badly about your husband to others or to flirt or put themselves in compromising positions that can lead to a more dangerous territory - one that the devil wants to lead them through. That behavior maligns both husband and Christ himself if not stopped.

Kudos to you for the boldness to share this and I pray that each woman reading this today will take to heart the way they speak and carry themselves. A simple question would be... "Would God be pleased if he heard me say or saw me doing this...?" [whatever 'this' might be.]

And one last thing - I am thrilled with those of you who DO already mark those boundaries in your life - so as to please Christ with your body, soul, mind and spirit.

Choosing JOY, Stephanie

Debra Kaye said...

What a beautifully written and much needed reminder! Blessed me so!

Signed on as a follower. Nice to meet you. Blessings to you!!

Sonya Lee Thompson said...


I remember that lunch. Having you along really did create a hedge. God is good. Boundaries are CRITICAL!

I think if you are having a struggle with someone, share it with a trusted friend. We need one another for support and loving prayer and advice from time to time.

I'm a firm believer in this statement: Embarrass sin and it must leave!

Great post.

Jilly said...

Excellent, it is so important to have boundaries, thankyou for the reminder!!!

Karen said...

Hi, my name is Karen from
I came by your blog and wanted to introduce myself, I am fairly new to blogging and have enjoyed getting and learn from some other sisters in Christ.
I hope when you get a chance you will stop by to visit me as well.
I had a good time browsing through you blog and I will be back to visit again.
Have a blessed day..

Anonymous said...

Great advice, Kelly.

I know you are talking about boundaries for married couples, but setting "hedges" is particularly true for singles where accountability can be almost nonexistent. It is so easy to "stumble" into compromising situations.

A very good and timely post.

Warren Baldwin said...

Great suggestion, Kelly. Appropriate boundaries or hedges can keep us from a lot of serious harm. God intends them for our good, not our harm.