DISCIPLINE IS LOVE = Part 4 Wrap-Up

DISCIPLINE IS LOVE = Part 4
Wrap-Up
by Stephanie K. Brower © 2010

Respect [for God’s and the parent’s authority] is developed through discipline. Take time to properly discipline your children. Properly, meaning: with thought, with action, at the time when the problem occurs. It may not always be easy. It might even be embarrassing, but the closer you bring the discipline action to the time of the incident, the better. Your authority as the parent and your follow-through, is key for the child to know that the boundaries you have set in advance – hold!

If your children are a bit older, these are great passages to share/discuss with them from God’s Word.

Jeremiah 6:16 [NIV]
This is what the LORD says:
"Stand at the crossroads and look;
ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is, and walk in it,
and you will find rest for your souls.
But you said, 'We will not walk in it.'

Proverbs 23:10 [NIV]
Do not move an ancient boundary stone or encroach on the fields of the fatherless,

Parents must discipline together – on the same page – with the rules and boundaries laid out for the child/children in advance! Be consistent. Be firm. Show grace to the child if it benefits. And give lots of hugs and kisses before and after discipline to affirm your love for them, especially if they are young. In doing so, you can teach them to do the same.

Luke 11:17 [NIV]
Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them: "Any kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and a house divided against itself will fall. [emphasis added]

Children love and need boundaries so they know where the line is drawn. Boundaries set forth in advance must be held up by both parents.

Proverbs 13:24 [NIV]
He who spares the rod hates his son,
but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

No other verse should be pondered more than this last one. Do I hate my son or daughter? If we do not discipline, the Bible says that we hate them. That’s pretty strong language from God’s heart. It must be very important. The best gift we can leave our children is a heart of discipline in love. They may not thank us for it when they are young – but they will later.

Proverbs 19:18 [NLT]
Discipline your children while there is hope.
Otherwise you will ruin their lives.

I will be leaving Titus 2 in Action because of other added responsibilities. Many thanks to Sonya Thompson and the other writers, for allowing me the opportunity to share God's Word on this site. And thank you to all the visitors who care enough to read and ponder what is offered here! Remember to pray for your children and grandchildren to become Mighty Warriors in the kingdom of God for His glory and purpose!

May God continue to richly bless you. I love you all!

Choosing JOY,

DISCIPLINE IS LOVE = Part 3

The ‘rod’ is necessary or the child will become spoiled and will rule the house. God never intends for a child to rule his own father or mother. That example shows the child that he has control , over the household ~ even over God. His mind will remain self-seeking and warped without proper discipline and training.

Proverbs 13:24 [NIV]
He who spares the rod hates his son,

but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

*************

[the word ‘careful’ here, reminds me that we must ‘care in full’ for our children.]

The surest test of discipline is its absence.

- Clara Barton (1821 - 1912)

If you are not disciplining your child, the Bible says that you do not love them [Proverbs 13:24] ~ in fact it is even more clear when it says you hate them. Those are hard words to swallow but they are TRUTH and are not to be ignored.

Proverbs 22:6

Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it.

Training a child………. Hummm…. Think of military boot camp for example ~ but with a good [graduating] end result.

• Training takes time.
• Training takes discipline.
• Training takes love.
• Training takes perseverance.
• Training takes focus.
• Training takes purpose.
• Training takes work.
• Training has a purpose to produce a fruitful end.

Without training and teaching the next generation is left to be unrestrained, self-reliant, undisciplined, with a selfish ‘me first’ attitude and lifestyle.

Are we PREPARING and TRAINING them to be Martyrs for Christ?

• willing to lay down their lives for Him
• willing to do what is right and just
• willing to follow God’s ways
• willing to think of others before themselves
• not to be independent ~ but to be GOD-dependant.

What practical ways do you train up your child in the way he should go?

Choosing JOY,

DISCIPLINE IS LOVE - Part 2

A child should be shown from an early age about making a choice to obey his father and mother always. When a child chooses to disobey ~ there must be consequences set forth ~ so that the discipline brings them back to the path of choosing obedience first.

To obey or not to obey? ~ this is the question of life – both for children and for us as adults in our walk with God. Using examples in our own life [to our children] of how God disciplines us and how we set forth to choose obedience ~ can help the child develop the same pattern.

All our efforts to discipline our children should result in teaching them to love God and ~ that God loves them!

God’s Word says:

Deuteronomy 6:5-9 (New King James Version)
5 You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. 6 “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. [emphasis added]

Psalm 25:8-10 (New Living Translation)
8 The Lord is good and does what is right;

He shows the proper path to those who go astray.

9 He leads the humble in doing right, teaching them His way.

10 The Lord leads with unfailing love and faithfulness all who keep His covenant and obey His demands.

Do you see the pattern? In essence, God says to us here, “Go and do likewise!”
What pattern of discipline [or lack of] are you setting forth in your home?

Your comments are intended to help others who may be struggling.

Choosing JOY,

DISCIPLINE IS LOVE = Part 1

Showing a pattern of
God's Love

Discipline for a child [and for us] is a necessity according to scriptures:

Proverbs 10:17
He who heeds discipline shows the way of life,
But whoever ignores correction
leads others astray.

Disciplining a child

is an act of Godly love.

~~~~~~~~~~

It must be done …

· in love
· with great patience
· under control
· with an intention to produce good fruit as a result.
· to show the child the very pattern of God’s love for him/her
· with consistency by both parents
· to build the child’s trust in the parent and eventually in God’s decision
· to set the boundaries for instruction and teaching
· to create respect for all authority [yours, teachers, babysitters, and God’s]

Each time we discipline we must discipline the same way God disciplines us ~ so that we show a loving, caring, patient attitude; one always willing to show mercy and grace – yet firm and just… as God Himself would discipline us.

In any discipline of a child ~ it must be done in love and with great consistency. It must not be done in haste or done without forethought… but it must be done and done in love, if one truly loves the child God has given.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Left undone …
· leaves the door wide open for that child to go astray
· gives the child the upper hand
· leaves the child in charge of his life when he is not yet capable of that end
· sets the pattern of ‘self-willed’ rather than ‘God-willed’
· lets the child rule the house
· leaves open all boundaries the child really longs for
· leaves the child feeling unloved and uncared for

Read that verse one more time in the Amplified version. No matter which way you slice it, ignoring discipline [whether giving it or receiving it] is not God’s way for us or for our children.

Proverbs 10:17 [AMP]
17He who heeds instruction and correction is [not only himself] in the way of life [but also] is a way of life for others. And he who neglects or refuses reproof [not only himself] goes astray [but also] causes to err and is a path toward ruin for others.

What does it speak to you now?
Can you share godly ‘tips’ on discipline that might help others here?

Choosing JOY,

DAD'S TWO HANDS #2

DAD’S TWO HANDS #2

Thank you for the comments on the post, Dad’s Two Hand’s #1. They were interesting. In case you haven’t read the post, I posed the question of whether dad should be made the bad guy in disciplining the children. Moms will occasionally tell their misbehaving children, "If you don’t knock it off I’m going to tell your dad when he gets home." My mom did it; my wife did it some. Is this fair?

I think so.

Parenting is ideally a two-person job, mom and dad. Each has strengths they bring to the task. Generally (not always, but most often), dad is the sterner of the two. When the children get overly rambunctious, or downright disobedient and rebellious, the tougher presence of dad may be better suited to stem the tide of their misbehavior. So, yes, I think it is ok for mom to tell the children, "I’m reporting this to your dad."

However, I think this parenting move can be pulled off in a manner that leaves mom in the driver’s seat, and enhances the children’s perception of her authority in the home.

Instead of just saying, "I’m going to tell your father when he gets home," mom can say, "Ok, you have disobeyed. For that you are going to be punished (then announce the punishment you think appropriate). And you are going to tell your father when he gets home."

This accomplishes three things.
One, mom maintains her role as an authority figure in her own right.

Two, the children will have to respect and honor mom’s authority role.

Three, dad still gets to be something of the "bad guy" in more of a supportive role. When dad hears about the misbehavior of the children, either from mom or the children, he reinforces mom’s decision and position by affirming the punishment she administered, or even adding to it some. So he supports mom and communicates to the children that mom’s voice rules. Mom and dad have cemented their position.

By the way, have you wondered where I got the title to these two posts, "Daddy’s Two Hands?" From Holly Dunn’s song:

Daddy's hands were soft and kind when I was cryiń
Daddy's hands, were hard as steel when I'd done wrong.
Daddy's hands, weren't always gentle
But I've come to understand.
There was always love in Daddy's hands.

If done appropriately, kids can see that their dad has two hands, one hard and one gentle, and that is ok.

Warren Baldwin

DAD'S TWO HANDS #1

DAD'S TWO HANDS #1

"If you don't stop I'm going to tell your father when he gets home!"

That line brought my three siblings and me under control more quickly than anything else my mother could say or do to us when we misbehaved.

It's not that mom's discipline wasn't effective; many times it was. But when four kids, especially the three oldest brothers, got overly rambunctious and disorderly, it took a particularly strong hand to bring them under control.

Dad had that hand.

Years later I've wondered about my mother's practice of making dad the bad guy. I've had other dads tell me that they don't like it when their wives threaten the kids with dad's arrival home. "Wait until your dad gets home. He'll take care of you." And, I've also had the "pleasure" of being made the bad guy in my home a few times with my own kids.

I have my view about this which I will share in my next post. But, until then, how about sharing your views. Should dad be made the heavy hand in disciplining the kids?

Warren

Note: Cheryl and I are taking our teenage daughter, Kristin, to a heart specialist today for test for Mitral Valve Prolapse (MVP) and Premature Ventricular Contractions (PVC). We appreciate your prayers. Thanks, WB