Exemplary Leadership

Exemplary Leadership

James Kouzes and Barry Posner, in The Leadership Challenge Workbook, list five ways for people to provide healthy and consistent leadership.

1) Model the way
It is easy to teach how to live, but can we model the level of character we are teaching about?

2) Inspire a shared vision
Good leaders invite the people they are leading to have a stake not only in the organization as it currently exists, but in what it can become.

3) Challenge the process
If we look about us we might see things currently being done that are not effective. Questions might spark some ideas or make us aware of where and how we can do better. “Am I getting the results I would like?” is one such question.

4) Enable others to act
Leaders don’t do everything for everybody. Rather, they teach others how to care for themselves and fulfill their mission in life.

5) Encourage the heart.
Learning how to act on our own can be discouraging at times, so the leaders stand by to encourage them.

These five practices of exemplary leadership can be applied to businesses, community service clubs, and churches. It can even be applied to families.

Moms and Dads who do their jobs well are functioning with the five practices of exemplary leadership. If they teach their children to tell the truth, and they tell the truth themselves, they are modeling the right way to live.

If they share their view of the Christian life and encourage them to pursue that in their future, they are fulfilling number two, inspiring the shared vision.

If they question themselves at least occasionally about how well they are filling their role and how they could do better, they are challenging the process and are opening themselves up for more growth for themselves and their children. Questioning themselves doesn’t mean they are needlessly harsh or doubt their own value, but that they ask how they are doing and how they can do better.

Fourthly, healthy parents enable their children to act. They teach them proper behavior and as they mature and grow, give them rope to move and act. And when children move and act, they will make mistakes and even experience some rebellious streaks. Moms and dads will have to step in and reprimand and punish. But they will also step in with necessary encouragement so their hearts will not become discouraged (that’s number five).

Whether they are always aware of it or not, parents who function for the health of their family and children are practicing exemplary leadership. Thanks, moms and dads!

Warren Baldwin

Inspiring Confidence

Inspiring Confidence

A careless encounter with barbed wire had my friend, Jeff, in the emergency room. "I’m afraid this is going to take some stitches," the doctor said. To the pain and blood could now be added fear.

When the doctor approached him with a needle to numb the pain in the wounded area, Jeff cried out. "Dad!"

"I’m right here, son. I won’t leave you." Throughout the ordeal on the table my friend’s dad was right there with him, holding his hand, speaking comfortingly, and giving the 11-year old some peace of mind.

Years later Jeff still tells this story of how his dad inspired confidence in him. "That’s what a dad does," Jeff adds.

Fathers inspire confidence at key junctures in their kids’ lives. In a hospital. Attacking their studies. Persevering in sports. Facing defeat. Trying again. Earning a living. Being a gentleman. Being a lady. Being a Christian. Functioning as man/woman, a husband/wife, a father/mother.

"I’m right here, son."

The lessons a father teaches his sons and daughters live long after the moment. They reside in their hearts all the days of their lives.

Warren Baldwin

Time and Kids

Time and Kids

Sometimes I feel time speeding by like the train in this picture (Thanks to Karli Bonnie Photography).

Our two college (actually, grad school) kids were home for a couple of weeks over Christmas. Now they are back in school. We did some of the things we planned to do, but not all. Time.

We sometimes think of time as our enemy - it is constantly working against us or trying to escape us. Actually, time is our friend. It is here for us to enjoy with the people we love and the things we like to do (and, yes, even some of the things we have to do :).

One daughter, a senior, remains at home. How can we use our remaining time with her as a friend rather than an enemy?

- Celebrate the minutes and hours we do have together. Make the time memorable.

- Enjoy the things she enjoys with her. Right now that is basketball, and so far we have seen every game #11 has played.






- Still take advantage of the teachable moments. We can't just get misty during the final months. There is still some bending of the twig left, and as responsible parents, we can't let all those opportunities fly by.

- Create momories that will last. Two things I do here. One, take lots of pictures. Two, keep a diary of the kids' last year at home. I give them the diary when they go off to college. That is a big hit (and don't just write the fun or pleasant things; write the real things as they happen).

Just a few suggestions, but ideas that will hopeful help us to wisely redeem the time with our older kids.


Warren

(Note: I don't know how this post will look when it actually posts. I spent way too much time trying to get the paragraphs right, but I simply cannot get rid of the big gaps. This is when time becomes the enemy :).

Like Digging For Gold

LIKE DIGGING FOR GOLD

My son, perseve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight. Proverbs 3:21

"Wes hit me." My daughter reported this incident about her brother with tears in her eyes.

"Did you hit Jenny?" I asked Wes.

"No, I didn’t," he said, with a look of total innocence in his eyes.

"Then why is she crying?"

"It’s not because I hit her."

Both my seven year old son and four year old daughter were either telling the truth (which couldn’t be happening) or were playing their roles so convincingly that I didn’t know which one to believe. Jenny was in tears so something obviously had happened. She convinced me that Wes had hit her. But Wes spoke with such conviction that he didn’t hit his sister I wanted to believe him, too.

One thing Cheryl and I learned with little kids is that you have to keep asking questions. At a very young age children learn the power of language. They can convince mom and dad they need ice cream and persuade grandma and grandpa they need seconds all with the power of words. Too young they develop techniques of manipulation that wrap us around their little fingers.

One of my two kids was working some of these techniques on me this day. Was it the one crying or the one declaring innocence?

From Cheryl I learned that you have to keep digging. Getting information from children is comparable to searching for gold in the side of a mountain: you have to dig, examine the evidence you unearth, evaluate it, and then dig some more, continuing to repeat the process. Over time, you may find some gold. And truth.

I felt like a prosecutor in the courtroom cross-examining a witness. I had some basic evidence and I had two eye witnesses, though they were giving conflicting testimony. I had to try a different tack.

Wes, why don’t you just show me what happened to your sister. Notice this wasn’t a question, it was an invitation to action. "Show me." Wes opened his hand and swung it through the air. "Is that what you did to Jenny?" I asked.

"Yes."

"That is hitting. Why did you tell me you didn’t hit her if you did?"

"No dad, that isn’t hitting, that is slapping. Hitting is if you make a fist and punch someone. I wouldn’t do that to my sister."

In the next several minutes my four and seven year old received vocabulary and ethics lessons. They were so young to learn the words ‘nuance’ and ‘semantics,’ but if they were old enough to play the game, they were old enough understand the significance of it. The ethics lesson was about truth and honesty, and not misrepresenting either by fancy play with words. This particular lesson was buttressed with some punishment.

This conversation was a great breakthrough for me as a father, because since this incident I’ve observed not only my three, but many other children, control a conversation through semantic play, withholding vital information, and playing ignorant. A parent need not panic if they realize this kind of competitive sparring is going on in conversations with their children. It is normal and natural. It means the kids are thinking through situations, are learning to use the language in creative ways, and are forcing their parents to parent.

You read that last line correctly. When children engage in language manipulation, they force us to parent. For the good of our children, for the integrity of the home, for the continued respect for our authority and role as dad and mom, we must engage the communication process with our kids. For me to have dismissed my two kids that day with, "Oh, just get out of here and stop it" would have left my daughter with a sense of injustice and my son with a sense of victory. Both kids would also have learned that with proper nuancing of terms and manipulative techniques they could by with anything. Respect for their mom and me would have diminished.

I had to enter the verbal contest, search for the nugget of truth, and act on the nugget I discovered. In the process I spent time with my kids and was able to teach them the value of purity of heart and honesty of communication.

When we slow down enough to spend time with our kids in these kinds of conversations, they learn something besides the topic under discussion. They learn that mom and dad will take the time to talk to them and reach the truth. They learn the value of integrity. They learn judgment and discernment. They learn how to behave properly. And they learn that mom and dad love them.

Warren Baldwin

Note: Thanks to Christina for sparking my memory and giving me the idea for this post with her very good article, "Wasn’t My Fault" on her blog, Change of Plans.