We continue our series on igniting the fire in your marriage. Follow this link if you missed the first message in this series.To ignite the fire in our marriages, we must pursue our spouses' hearts by making an effort to meet their needs.
My husband and I have had many rough patches in our marriage. There were times when I honestly didn't want to pursue his heart. If your marriage is at this point, don't give up hope. God can re-ignite a fire in your heart and change your desire for your spouse. Pray and ask God. He is faithful to change your heart.
In the meantime, do it on purpose, even though you don't feel like it. My husband once shared with his co-worker some of nice things I do for him. His co-worker retorted, "I wouldn't do that for my husband! I'm not his servant!" My husband responded that I enjoy doing those things for him, and he enjoys doing things for me as well.
Meeting our spouses' needs doesn't mean we become their slaves, giving them everything they want. Marriage is about giving and receiving. And just like financial giving, we have to sow in order to reap.
To meet our spouses' needs we need to communicate with them. "Honest" communication is vital for a healthy marriage. I emphasize the word "honest" because it won't do our marriages any good if we are communicating with our spouses, but not being completely honest.
Last week, my husband and I had a long, meaningful talk together. With having four children, it's often hard to find time alone to talk to each other. We hadn't had a long talk in awhile, and I felt a little wall slowly building up between us.
During our talk, we shared some things that we had been holding in, that bothered us about our relationship. We were able to talk about our needs and be honest with our feelings. As we were honest, we felt that wall come down and our hearts draw closer together.
My husband expressed how nice it was to be able to be honest with his feelings and struggles. In the past, he wasn't able to be honest with me, because I wasn't understanding. I would get angry when he shared anything I didn't like or agree with.
It's important to allow your spouse to be honest without judging them or taking offense. Give your spouse the freedom to be open with his struggles, needs, and desires. Pray and ask God to help you be compassionate. God was the only one who was able to change me. He can do the same for you.
Sometimes our spouses' needs may not be what we want to give them, but as long as their needs are fitting in the Lord, we should pursue to meet them.
"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." Romans 12:10, KJV
Come back in two weeks as the series continues...
*If you desire to have a godly marriage, order "You Can Have a Happy Family" on Amazon. It's lowered to only $8.04 for paperback and $5.99 for Kindle (free for prime members). I promise your marriage will be blessed!
3 comments:
Communication is the lifeblood of marriage! Honest communication, that is. Very good post.
My most popular post by far is one about communication: "My Husband Can't Communicate." http://warrenbaldwin.blogspot.com/2009/11/divorce-3-my-husband-cant-communicate.html
People hunger for real communication.
And I agree with the comment about the book, "You Can Have a Happy Family." It will bless anyone's marriage.
even after almost 27 years of marriage, i can say that the times we have let our communication go by the wayside, is the time that our relationship suffers. being a pastor's wife can be trying sometimes and i have to be careful not to take my frustrations out on him.
thank you for this series! it is really good and i have enjoyed it!
Warren, thanks for your encouraging comment. I will check out that article. Blessings to you:)
Beth, I agree. The same thing for my marriage. I think communication is the most important. I could only imagine how hard it must be to a pastor's wife. It definitely is a lot more pressure. My siste-in-law was friends with our old pastor and his wife and she would share some of the things they would have to deal with. They have a lot thrown at them. That is why it's good to pray for our pastors and their families. God gives them special grace. Blessings and prayers to your family:)
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